We Shouldn't Be
by HyoSooHarem
Summary: Meredith and Addison set just after DerAdd divorce


**A/N: Hi this is my first fic hope you guys like it. It's a One Shot and a bit long winded and for that I apologise. Also I suck at titles.**

Meredith never wanted to be never wanted to be a cheater, the adulterer. She remembered it started just after Derek's divorce, when they had just started dating again.

She had been on Addison's service and for whatever reason, aside from the fact that she was dating Derek, the kept butting heads about everything.

Everything came to a head when Addison started yelling at her in an empty exam room. She can't even remember what they were arguing about, but the next thing she knew they were kissing. She's not sure who started it or who ended it, but as soon as they separated Meredith ran from the exam room in complete shock and disbelief.

The next few days they sort of danced around each other, neither staying around each other long enough to be left alone. because being alone meant they would have to talk about what happened and neither of them was ready for that.

Then one day Addison came to work with a mood, a confrontational mood, and Meredith knew this was not going to be a good day. Everything about Addison's demeanor said she was just waiting for a fight. Addison had been unnecessarily rude all day and Meredith was at the end of her rope. Her patience was wearing thin and she knew just one more thing and Addison would be in for and earful.

The last straw came when Addison all but shoved out of her way in front of a patient. what threw her was how truly unprofessional she was being, because if there was on thing to be said about Addison it was that she was professional. and under any other circumstances she would have let it slid but she couldn't.

When they had finished with their patient Meredith all but dragged Addison to and empty on-call room. They needed to talk.

'That was unacceptable Addison! I don't care if you have a problem with me, but for the love of God leave that shit outside the hospital.'

This time she knew who started the kissing. It was Addison. She could have blamed it all on Addison if she did not kiss back with as much fervour. She remembers Addison pushing her against the door. She remembers the taste of vanilla on Addison's mouth. She remembers the feeling of Addison pressing closer to her, hand grasping desperately at her hips. She remembers the feeling of Addison's skin prickling with goosebumps as her hands made their way under Addison's shirt.

She remembers Addison's leg pressing between her legs and her body's desperate response. Then Addison's hands were down her pants and she swears she'd never come that fast or that hard before in her life. She remembers the how Addison's body tensed and the feeling of teeth biting into her shoulder as she came undone on Meredith fingers.

The feeling of guilt that immediately washed over her as she felt Addison pull away is still fresh in her mind. She couldn't look at Addison as she quickly fixed her hair and scrubs before running out as if the building was on fire. She ran until she found Derek in an on-call room trying to sleep, making love tom him in an attempt to assuage her guilt, and when he found the bite mark she blamed it in a crazy patient in the pit.

Months pass and Meredith hadn't been on Addison's service, mainly due to the fact that Addison requested anyone but her, but Meredith could feel Addison watching her. And whenever Meredith felt her watching she was back in that on-call room and every time she would go find Derek.

Then after a night of much to much tequila, Meredith woke in an unfamiliar room, in an unfamiliar bed with a pounding headache. she glanced over to see a familiar face partially hidden behind red hair and exposed breasts that confirmed what she feared. She has slept with Addison again. She groaned dropped her head on her pillow dejectedly. She decided that instead of making a run for it, which is what she desperately wanted to do, she would stay and talk to her. Because this couldn't happen again.

So they talked and decided to be professional and cordial at work. Maybe eat lunch together in the cafeteria every once in a while, because maybe the reason the was happening was the pent up aggression and anger they felt towards each other. And that's what they did and it was working, until it didn't.

Meredith went to one of the washrooms one day to find Addison crying. She wasn't sure what to do, it was uncomfortable. Should she comfort her or should she just leave and pretend she hadn't seen anything. But Addison had seen her in through the mirror and gave a quick 'hello' as she quickly dried her eyes trying to hide her tears. Unsure what to do , Meredith stood still for a second before deciding to try comforting Addison. It was surprisingly comfortable consider neither of them was what anyone would have described as huggers. Meredith pulling away slowly, almost reluctantly, and then she smelt vanilla and her mind went hazy and then she kissed her. It was chaste at first both sighing as they relaxed into each other, pulling each other closer as they deepened the kiss.

Addison pulled away, leaning against the sink. "We can't do this, not again." she mumbled

Meredith stepped back dejected. " I know," she sighed "I know, but I want to. God do I want to. I can't stop thinking about you, and how you feel, and how you smell, how you taste. I want you so much it's hard to focus sometimes. And I know,_ I know _I shouldn't be feeling this, but I can't help it, I want you."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." Addison mumble before pulling her closer and kissing her deeply.

The it was on-call room hookup, and motels, and Addison's hotel room, and on the odd occasion Meredith's hows. How they never got caught is a mystery. The sex, was unlike anything either of them had ever experienced. It was like the stuff you read about in book, where your mind went blank and your toes curled and you can't form a coherent sentence.

Then Addison decided to move to L.A. and as much as Meredith wanted to ask her to stay she didn't because she understood why Addison wanted to leave. She needed to find her own family, her Lexie, Alex, Christina, Izzie and George. she need to find her own little family, and as long as she stayed in Seattle that wouldn't happen.

So she left, and Meredith was fine until George died, Izzie was dying and all Meredith wanted was to be with Addison. That's when Meredith realised she'd fallen in love with Addison. So she got on a plane and went to L.A for a weekend with the intention of letting Addison know how she felt. When she got there however she couldn't do it, not because she suddenly lost the will, but because Addison had found what she had been looking for, a family of her own. So she left, because she didn't want to disrupt that no matter how much she loved her.

Whenever they were in the same city they would meet. they're lives continued, Meredith married Derek had Zola and little Bailey. Addison had Jake and Henry, but they couldn't stop. They both knew it was wrong, but they couldn't stop no matter how much they tried.

So now Meredith lay watching Addison sleep wondering if this would ever end. She leaned over kissing her good bye whispering a confession of love before leaving. As the door closed Addison opened her eyes "I love you too."

**A/N: 'Till next time**


End file.
